03. The Care of Self

“Self-care” is a term that’s often used and sometimes misunderstood. I’m definitely a person that misuses the term. Well…maybe “misuse” isn’t the best word. Rather, I misapply it. I think the misapplication happens because I’m still learning what self-care means. There’s also the reality that self-care is an ever-changing term and I’m constantly chasing that evolution. As May is observed as Mental Health Awareness Month, I’d like to share my experiences as an educator and creative maintaining my mental health.

Life has thrown a number of curveballs my way in the past, but this month felt eerily different. For the past 3 years, I’ve experienced sharp declines in my emotional and mental well-being that start in late-April, but usually wrap up around mid-August. I attribute this to an extremely rough period in my life from April to August of 2014. This later evolved into what I believe is Seasonal Affective Disorder (or S.A.D.) in 2015. As I walked into May of this year, I expected the symptoms to kick into overdrive. This time, the sadness was subtle. I pondered to myself—was I starting to win this never-ending internal war, or were my feet planted in the mud well before I stepped onto the annual battlefield? It could have been the latter and I simply didn’t notice.

Understanding the complexities of mental health requires a deep level of care, research, and compassion.

Maintaining mental health can be very overwhelming and there are many ways people choose to cope. One of the not-so-good ways I cope with my bouts of highs and lows is through overworking. Though working leads to productivity, I tend to overwork and run a higher risk of burning myself out. What’s interesting to note is a term gaining more and more traction: high-functioning anxiety. I believe this is more of an umbrella term than an actual disorder. Though, it’s intriguing to learn about, especially since I can relate to a hefty amount of the symptoms. Conversely, I’ve found that writing is my most effective and creative way of preserving my well-being. Expressing my thoughts and emotions through music, poetry, and blogging have been the most therapeutic and beneficial for me. Understanding the complexities of mental health requires a deep level of care, research, and compassion. Navigating these intricacies gets even more complicated—and, quite frankly, tedious—when factoring in my job as an educator.

My concerns for the youth, as well as my adult students and myself, have been amplified
more than before.

I’m still early in my teaching career, so learning to balance my duty to support students in their respective circumstances, facilitating a safe space where I can unwind, and having empathy for both them and myself has been taxing. Last year, I was operating at a much faster pace, so classes and workshops kept my mind preoccupied. Unfortunately, I sacrificed time with myself and with my friends in order to make it through my seasonal warfare. This year, it’s been difficult to keep my spirits up. There’s the recent budget cuts to Florida’s Art programs, which leads to the looming possibility of job loss for art educators. Though, the recent string of school shootings has really put me on edge. Only two months prior, Governor Rick Scott passed a law that allows Florida teachers to be armed. This troubles me deeply. My concerns for the youth, as well as my adult students and myself, have been amplified more than before. Almost every day, I rack my brain with inquiries like,

What can I do? What would I do in a situation like Parkland or Virginia Tech? Which educators would choose to arm themselves? How heavy will this affect Black and Brown students, who are already subject to much harsher treatment as is? How did we get to this point? Is there a way to alleviate these very real fears and threats? Have we, as a society, normalized a shooting as an expectation of the school experience?

This is, more than likely, why my sadness wasn’t all-encompassing at the beginning of May. I’ve been discouraged since the start of the year it seems. So far, I’ve chosen to research and theorize answers to assuage my worries. Though, sharing my more honest and direct, albeit, enraged sentiments in my creative work has felt more appropriate. I’m not sure what effects these methods will have on my mental health, but they seem like the most sound solutions for now.

But, I’m learning that we deserve to be selfish with our time and energy, as time is something
we can’t get back and energy is hard to replenish.

Out of the many questions that scurry through my mind, one of the most important is—how do I practice self-care, especially in such turbulent times? My understanding of self-care is constantly evolving as I learn more and communicate with others who have their own myriad of responsibilities and self-care practices. Sometimes, self-care could include treating myself to a big meal that I enjoy or buying new books and video games. Other times, self-care is purposely going to bed on time or leaving social media for a few days to recenter my energy. I’ve found that prayer, meditation, learning, writing, and physical activity lead to some very positive results. I’m also learning to say “no” to things I don’t have the energy to do. There are times I feel selfish for saying “no”, despite being pulled in nearly every direction. But, I’m learning that we deserve to be selfish with our time and energy, as time is something we can’t get back and energy is hard to replenish.

I’m still sifting through the plethora of thoughts and worries that plague my mind. Those stressors, on top of my daily responsibilities, can get exhausting pretty quickly. Despite this, I do my best to implement self-care practices in my life. I also urge other educators and creatives to take time for themselves to refill and cultivate their wholeness. In the classroom or the studio, we build worlds and support dreams. Taking off our capes to rest and take care of ourselves is the least we could do. We deserve it.

–Self-Care