06. The Beautiful & The Terrible

Over the past few years, I’ve learned the importance of taking time out of the day, month, and year to reflect. I think I learned the significance of reflection by becoming deeply acquainted with tunnel vision. We became really close friends in my adult years. Though, sometimes, I need to take a break from our tight-knit relationship. That’s when I welcome my dear comrade, reflection, with a heartfelt “I’m glad to see you again.” Much like tunnel vision pushes me to move forward, reflection urges me to look back and learn from my journey.

2018 has been a whirlwind of a ride, to say the least. Despite this year’s emotional roller coaster, a lot of wonderful things happened. So this post is dedicated to celebrating the beautiful things, the terrible things, and hoping for more clarity as I venture into the ebb and flow of 2019. Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

• In January, I was reminded of my love for the stage. I performed some of my poetry and songs at an open mic session hosted by a fellow poet and friend of mine. Additionally, I implemented some new professional strategies that my wonderful friend, Nakita Pope, shared with me. Briefly, she uses The Happy Planner to organize her busy schedule. She also organizes meetings with herself to regroup and prepare for her future endeavors. Sure enough, I started to include that game-changing strategy to my monthly schedule (which is housed in my super dope Happy Planner).

• In February, I kick-started my social media campaign, The Spotlight. The Spotlight focused on highlighting my friends who are creatives, entrepreneurs, educators, and pivotal figures in their industries (photo album). I also hosted a workshop with Frank H. Peterson High’s Communications program for their Artist Lecture Series. But the month’s major highlight was when I learned that my campus was hosting Disney Legend Floyd Norman for a master class and Q&A in March. As such, I assembled four amazing students and we prepared a promotional campaign for his arrival.

• March was truly a whirlwind. The month started with my interview for the Cultural Council of Jacksonville. Soon, I traveled to Arkansas for a weekend workshop with my fellow AIGA Diversity & Inclusion Task Force members. That weekend, I experienced a major family loss, which culminated into the beginnings of this blog (read episode 1 here). As one legacy ended, many more took root when I met and interviewed Floyd Norman to an audience of my students, colleagues, and budding animators. A few documentaries and books were sprinkled in the mix.

• April was dedicated to grieving and healing. A brief stint to initiate a summer camp was discussed, but, ultimately, it didn’t come to fruition. In hindsight, this was probably for the best. To conclude, I was invited by AIGA Nebraska to speak at their yearly showcase, The Show. (Between you and me, I didn’t believe I was worth being invited. I’m still humbled by their consideration to have me.)

• May was the month I said “no” to a lot of things. In a tough decision, I resigned from my duties with TEDxFSCJ. I also took a hiatus from attending AIGA Jacksonville events and concluded my 2017 term with Jacksonville Public Education Fund. I realized I was overwhelmed with responsibilities that affected my mental wellness. Consequently, I began sharing more of my personal battles with mental health as both therapy and to help those who cope with their own internal wars.

• June introduced a major turnaround for me. I embarked on the journey of creating an e-book. Additionally, I pushed myself to grow professionally: I read more (“Steal Like an Artist” is such a stellar book); I made an official email address; I was invited to speak on The Purple Crayon podcast; I took a risk and applied for an artist grant (though, it wasn’t in the cards for me); and, finally, I experienced a paradigm shift regarding scarcity and abundance after attending Deana Haggag’s lecture. In terms of personal growth, I went to an Afrobeat dance class, concluded a large-scale project at work, and I cried a lot (yay for emotional expression).

• July saw me connect with my students in a deeper way as I supported their creative and professional growth. One of my students displayed his work in an exhibition titled Black Opal. I also reconnected with my friends and learned about Jacksonville’s amazing, yet often hidden history.

• Much like February and March, August brought wonderful highs and terrible lows. I enjoyed the fruits of my labor and acquired the full-time position at work shortly after my birthday. Additionally, my friend and phenomenal artist, Erin Kendrick, debuted her first solo exhibition, “her own things”. In an unfortunate twist, my hometown of Jacksonville was the location of a tragedy in the gaming community. Despite our vibrant local scene, we became the face of a fatal shooting that rattled our entire city. As a gamer myself, that event shattered my and my friends’ morale for a while. To add insult to injury, I was thrust into a sea of creative confusion. I lost the will to develop myself as an artist. Needless to say, I smashed into many roadblocks and was left wondering, “why is this happening to me?”

• September was another month dedicated to grieving and healing. Outside of a student showcase, creative turmoil, and more work on the e-book, September was very restrained.

• Oh, October…such an unexpected yet grand turnaround. Much discovery and many affirmations were revealed during this month. I made my way to Omaha for an amazing experience at AIGA Nebraska’s The Show exhibition. Simultaneously, I plotted a new creative direction for my career and released my debut endeavor as an author, “One Day, I Hope That…”. Most importantly, I began to have more faith and acceptance that the universe/Most High would guide me exactly where I needed to be.

• November introduced new and welcomed practices: I developed the habit of taking notes while reading through engaging books; I invested into my new creative endeavors; and I started to create dry erase art (which, in all honesty, was therapeutic).

• December…it’s strange how it felt like eons to arrive to this month, yet, simultaneously, we’ve quickly come to its conclusion. As we near its ending, it feels appropriate to conclude with what I’ve done along with what I’m hoping to finish by the start of the new year. So far, I’ve concluded The Spotlight campaign; including this one, “A Creative’s Journey” has six entries so far; 2019’s plans have been set and are slowly being implemented; I’ve come to peace with where I exist in this time and space; and, most importantly, I’ve wrapped up my 2018 Round-Up!

What a hell of a ride! Many thanks to the wonderful souls I’ve met along my trek. You all are treasures and I thank you for our shared experiences. My deepest appreciation to the amazing people I have in my life. This includes, but isn’t limited to, my family, my friends, my students, my colleagues, the tenants in the rooms of my heart, and everyone in between. Finally, much gratitude to the many ebbs and flows of life. The universe continues to pour into my vessel and I’m humbled to be one of its recipients. I’ll continue to practice faith and love as the Most High introduces me to the many things in store for me. In advance, thank you for the beautiful and the terrible things. Happy New Year!

—Beautiful & Terrible